There are things I do now that I never did before. Like making him a sausage and cheese biscuit before he goes to work every morning, like watching what I say a little more carefully, like seeing tshirts or dragon what nots and buying them for him just because I think of him, like being more cosistent with how I deal with the kids, like riding the motorcycle, like going new places, like meeting (and liking) new people, like going and getting medicated for the first time in years, again.

There have been times that I thought all of this made him controlling. I've even been questioned byt some people, why was I allowing him to change me, why did I listen to him. But in hindsight, looking at that list of things, I see the truth now. He makes me a better person, a better mom, a better girlfriend. I listen to things he has to say, I think about them, and sometimes I agree with them in the end. I've learned not to judge people as quickly because of him (Even though I had known him for years, I had this preconceived notion of him. I hadn't seen him in 3 or 4 years when I ran into him Last Thanksgiving and I was shocked at the tattoos and piercings, he was not the "pretty boy" I remembered). I judged him, based on how he looked and that motorcycle of his. Too much tv about bikers and people covered in tattoos, so I just knew he wasn't worth my time trouble or heart. Hell, I point blank told him, "You aren't boyfriend material, you aren't even worth spending my time with".

Then, even though I had said that, when he was in town (he worked out of town), wecontinued to see one another. And each time I saw him I learned a little more. I learned that he was adopted and had a very deep love for his father, becauise he gave him a life and loved him when he didn't have to. I learned that he thought the moon and stars hung on his daughter and that her birth had completely changed him. I learned that he had been burned so badly by his ex wife and her antics that he hadn't had a girlfriend in 6 years, and he was fine with that. I learned that he was the type of person always being called upon, because he was the type to help anyone and everyone, the type to give you the shirt off of his back... Then one day, he pulled up at the house and asked me to go have a beer with him. I had called him and asked him to come by, ready to break any form of a relationship off with him, tired of him not wanting to commit to an adult relationship, tired of wondering where I stood with him. I agreed to go have a beer with him, thinking I would tell him there. Instead he blew me away, sat down on a barstool and told me:

"It's time we quit bullshitting around and get serious about one another, now what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Ummmmm, nothing babe".

From that point on, we've been nearly unseperable. I've grown as a person. I'm friends with people I'd have never met if it weren't for him. I'm friends with people I had unjustly judged and thought I knew who they really were. I didn't.

The point of this is, you can't judge someone on looks, thats something I've learned. You can't always assume the worst, something I'm slowly learning. And to the people in my life that thinks he's controlling, because I'm changing: Well, I'm changing for the better, learning as I go and having a damn good time doing it, because I love that boy...