Postponing Thanksgiving... and other rambles

First off, today is Trai's birthday, so lets all tell him Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday Baby, I love you and Miss you, Can't wait to see you Friday.
Now onto my morning ramble.. First off, I made the best biscuits ever two night in a row, courteousy of the Orangette blog. Really as a southern girl, it's been kind of embarassing for years to not be able to make gravy or biscuits. Well folks, now I can make biscuits and they are HEAVEN. So check the blog out, she's funny and you can almost taste the food as she types about it. It's my newest obsession and I found it because someone on two peas was searching for it. Lucky coincidence, but I'll take it and run with it. And I'll be making these for thanksgiving. Which brings me to my next ramble.

Yep folks, I have postponed Thanksgiving. We decided that it would be best to wait til Friday so maybe Trai will be here. Maybe I mentioned that yesterday. I'm doing a turkey, dressing, chicken and dumplings, biscuits, cranberry ketchup, cranberry sauce, my fruit salad that was my favorite memory, mashed potatoes and a birthday cake for Trai. Looks like my Aunt will be bringing sodas and paper plates and napkins and maybe some sweets of some sort. I'm looking forward to it truth be told. It'll be nice to have my family that doesn't normally join us here, even my uncle said he was a possibility, but I shall not hold my breath on that one.

I remember when I was a kid, Bill was my favorite uncle. I thought he could do no wrong. Hell, he was my favorite person. He played in a band for many many years, and my mom would go see him, when I was 13 or 14, and she would take the video camera so that she could record it, so I could see it, because I couldn't get in bars ya know. And he would sing a song for me, and a song for Angela, Dedicate it to us. For me it was most often "Freinds in Low Places" for Angela it was "Don't rock the jukebox". Things like that kept him my favorite uncle for many many years. I remember the first time I got to see him play, he played at this bar that had had their liquor liscense taken away, so it was a bring your own booze joint, and you could get in at 19. I jumped at the chance. My boyfriend at the time got super mad at me and took off walking. I stayed, not leaving my uncle Bill, and watched a good bit of the show, before picking up bf on the side of the road, walking home later.

Then it happened. First, I lost my Hunter and Tyler. I'm not really sure how long after that it was, but their son Jeff, was killed in a car wreck later on. They were protective parents, never letting him off alone. He and their daughter were all star baseball/ softball players their whole lives, With Bill and Tammy never missing a game or practice. One night after a game, they let Jeff ride with a freind who was a little bit older and he wrecked, going too fast on a dirt road. The third boy in the truck ran miles for help, and Jeff lay under that truck alive for a long time. When they lifted it off of him, he drowned on his own blood. My Uncle and his wife have never been the same.

It was so painful to watch. For the viewing, they had a closed casket, but there were 100's of people, as there always is for a high schooler. All the people he had played ball with from tball on up, all of his friends, all of their freinds. They sat two chairs next to the casket and sat my Aunt and Uncle right there. It was a cruel thing, to put them there for a parade of 100's of people. When I got to my Aunt, I felt sorry for her for the first time in my life. I had never liked her that much, we had never been close, she had for years had that better than everyone syndrome. She looked at me and said "Jamie, how do you do it". I never knew how to answer her and it was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever heard, she grabbed me and hugged me and I thought she would never ever let go.

I guess this long ramble comes from this. I'm torn up right now a bit. I know Hunters birthday is exactly one week away. 4 days later it will be the 8 year anniversary of his death. You know, I'm feeling sad, and sick and just yuck. And maybe thats why I harped on Trai so much about leaving. And maybe he doesn't understand that. But in the grand scheme of things, I'm doing well. I've had people tell me I'm living in the past, I've had peopl tell me I just need to "get over it". I can't just get over it. There's no magic pill. But I am thankful everyday I'm not one fo those hollow shells of a person that some people become when they lose a child. My Aunt and Uncle did that. Not working for months, not leaving home. Building a new house and moving Jeff's room into that new house, exactly as it was in the old house. They've never fought their way out of it. Tammy took up drinking, the thing she had the biggest problem with as far as my uncle was concerned my entire life. Bill took up more drinking, and maybe even some pills, more than his dosage. They are blank, not the same people. Thier daughter suffered too, turning to crystal meth, getting into more trouble than anyone can count, getting pregnant, leaving the baby with them. I'm sad for them, heartbroken. It's like they lost both of their children, and those kids were the absolute center of their life. And I lost my uncle. He's no longer my favorite becuase he can't be bothered to be. The dissention had began before his loss, but it grew like a festering monster once he checked out of our world. I've always hoped he'd some day check back in.

So ladies, if you know someone who has lost a child, do me a favor, hug them today, tell them you understand, tell them you're there, no matter the day or time. It might make all the difference. They might need that to not check out. This life of an angel mom or dad, it's tough. And people don't realize what it does to us inside. Try and hear me ok? Try and be there for someone, anyone. You might just be what they are thankful for this year. You might make the difference. And Uncle Bill, even though you haven't a clue about my blog, or my feelings, I hope you really come this year. I need you back, I want you back.

I Love you~

"Jambo"