Sooooooooo

Trai has been very sick for three days. The first time he's been sick since we've been together. Quite the experience, I feel so bad for him, he sounds horrible, really just want to help him, but he's not wanting to deal with anyone. Understandable, but hard non the less, cause my momma genes kick in and I want to make him better, which just aggravates the hell out of him..
Bobby is being super super nice for some reason, always worries me what he might be up to when he does that. Sent me a text message yesterday telling me he still loved me and always had my back no matter what. And that he was glad I went and got back on bipolar meds, cause it would be good for me and he was proud to see me taking care of myself. Yeah, he wasn't that nice when we were married, so what the hell gives?
Thanksgiving coming, and after that Hunters birthday, whih always rips me wide open, then his angel day a mere 4 days later which will tear me up. I'm hoping to survive this year a little bit better, feeling a little more loved and understood by Trai I think might make that difference. Bobby never got it, thought I should just forget about Tyler and Hunter, that 3, 4,5,6,7 years had been far long enough to "get over it". I never could get him to understand that its not something that you just get over. It doesn't consume my everyday life, although some days are rough for no apparent reason, some song or smell or thought kicking off a tidal wave of emotion. But the Holidays, the birthdays, the angel days are too much sometimes. A birthday brings hose feelings of how big would he be? What would he like? How would he talk, walk, learn, eat? So many unanswered questions about both of them. I think Hunter hits me the hardest on that one, cause he was only 4 days old when I lost him, so I knew nothing about him. I can take my memories of Tyler and think, hey I bet he'd like that, or I bet he'd be this tall by now. With Hunter I don't know if he was short, smart, talkative, liked quiet toys or loud toys, cars or action figures, transformers or batman. No clues what so ever. And that totally blows. I miss my angels, Imiss being a part of their lives, I hate that they have a sister and a brother that will never know them. I hate that Tyler got his sister, but he was already gone, and boy, she is a "stone cold" sister just like he wanted. He wanted her mean and tough and sassy and spirited, just like him. And sometimes she's so much like him you have to wonder is he whispering in her ear, guiding her along her little sassy way...
Boy this post took a weird and dramatic turn, I veered off and tripped out. Sorry bout that. I guess on that note, I'll leave for the day...